After carefully reviewing multiple locations, spaces, and prices, I narrowed my choices down to one. The ceilings were tall, the windows let in the cool ocean breeze, and depite the fact that the bathroom was a little crappy, everything felt right. Thankfully, the contract didn't take as long to fill out, which left me ample time to walk around at my soon-to-be-new-home, Shock Fitness. After working out in my last gym, which was located in the middle of Hollywood, it felt great to walk around a "real" gym, where the equipment is old school, the people looked normal, and everyone seemed to be there to...well...work out.
I was basking in my found-a-normal-new-gym glory when I turned the corner and ran into my workout nightmare; the real gym-goers of Shock Fitness. With each of their mats lined up side by side, I watched thirty tightly toned bodies gracefully dive into the Downward Dog position. As they pointed their perfectly manicured toes up and their perfectly combed ponytails back, I couldn't help but notice how perfect their asses looked in what seemed to be endless miles of spandex. I wondered if I could talk the membership guy into a return policy.
Back in the day, the gym used to be my Mecca. I could spend hours running on the treadmill listening to 90s alternative and attempting to lift weights wearing a crappy t-shirt drenched with sweat. The gym was a place that I could work out my frustrations and stress, and I never had to worry about wearing a matching spandex ensemble. Since moving to Cali, walking into a gym actually stresses me out. Everyone looks amazing with their perfectly gelled hair, flawless makeup, and shorts short enough to be worn at strip clubs. So, my question is where are all the real people? You know, the ones that actually need to go to the gym? Well, if they're anything like me, they are probably sitting at home, bemoaning the stupid gym, exercising their biceps by reaching into a bag of chips and wishing bathing suit season would come and go fast. In the meantime, if anyone feels like starting a normal-bodies-only gym, please let me know. I'll pay double for a membership!
Keepin it real,
GenXYZ
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